Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
