hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
