i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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