My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
