pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
