she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
