I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
