You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
third nipple confirmed
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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