I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
