I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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