i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize