toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
