i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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