They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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