the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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