i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
honey bunches of taint.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
