wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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