how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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