I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize