I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
