fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
