Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
