i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
