Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
