I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize