She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
