I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
