Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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