splinters make it hard to masturbate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
