Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
