Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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