dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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