Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
