my vag is so smooth its legendary
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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