If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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