Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
