so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He shit in the fireplace
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