remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
