Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
