May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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