my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
