U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
