im about as happy as oj after his trial
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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