Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
