when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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