Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
