god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
