Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Help. Why am I so naked?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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