2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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