I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
