i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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