i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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