She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
