Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
