ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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