I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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