I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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