Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Two words: nipple clamps
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize