apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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