Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
