id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
