if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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