Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
