when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
