awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
