Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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