i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
