i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
