so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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