Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
