Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
