How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
