No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
