Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
