another moral hangover. fuck.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
