Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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