I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
