he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dear god my vagina.
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