well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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