You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
