too bad you live with your parents still
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
