Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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