I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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