come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize