she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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