Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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