why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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