Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
