Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The Olympian is in my bed
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