toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
