White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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