Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He shit in the fireplace
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
