why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
