Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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