Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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