girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
