i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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