After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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