I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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