Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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