i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
