Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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