I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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