I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
