Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
