I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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