So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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