party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
